" fort collins "

 [ "fort collins" ]

1: Fort Collins, or FoCo, is largely mislabeled as a city. While the population is probably at 130,000 blessed souls, it remains a town. Why? Because a train runs down the middle of Mason Street. You can drive along side it. Fort Collins is demographically challenged, consisting of old white people, white students, white techies, white pot heads, white hippies, and white drunks. I guess that would make what relatively few minorities (probably under 17%) there are - normal. An analysis reveals that most of the Subaru-owning population has come from California, or Boulder.

  * e.g.,  ... High School Senior: hey mom, i decided to go to CSU, to make mechanical threshers! I know we're from Ault, so I wanted to go to Fort Collins, the big city by the "mountains"! 

 [ "fort collins" ]

2: Geographically close to the "foothills" - which has a stupid A on it - which are the last remanants of real mountains before going north and therefore, being ruined by the proximity to Wyoming. Many outdoor activities are the only thing that keeps the young from throwing themselves off the five (5) "tall" buildings in the town.

  * e.g.,  ... Mother: That's ok honey, we saved for your substance abuse program when you drop out of school. 

 [ "fort collins" ]

3: High School Breakdown:

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4: FCHS - rich, yippie, my parents bought my bmw

 [ "fort collins" ]

5: FRHS - who knows, but they finally included 9th grade into a high school!

 [ "fort collins" ]

6: RMHS - the "forgotten high school" - many normal people go here

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7: PHS - hicks, ffa, younger smart people

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8: Centennial HS - oops

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9: Plagued by horrible traffic planning and unsynched lights, nobody seems to care, because city council doesn't really want the city to grow. They would rather give explosive growth to Greality and Loveland.

 [ "fort collins" ]

10: On to the popular nickname of "The Choice City"... it is... if you're not young. Touted as a great place to raise a family - but not to grow up in. Many of us stay here out of sheer apathy and eventually move to Denver, which still sucks, but it has something called jobs. The *town's* one saving grace is Colorado State University, which feeds the bar cluster in "old town", the downtown area, which has... 12 bars within 6 square blocks. You will not find a decent club. FoCo's "old town", is sadly outshined by Longmont.

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11: Drugs - the only thing that keeps us sane:

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12: Fort Collins is apparently the perfect transhipment point for killer nugs. In fact, just try to find schwag or ditchweed here, you can't.

 [ "fort collins" ]

13: Other than that particular notoriety, Fort Collins has three breweries of note: (excluding the huge Anheuser Busch factory north of town) New Belgium Brewery (Fat Tire, Sunshine Wheat, Loft), Odell's Brewery (5 Barrel Pale Ale, Easy Street Wheat), and Fort Collins Brewery (Major Tom's Pomegrante Wheat, Z Lager). Fort Collins employs 15x as many brewery industry workers as other cities its size.

 [ "fort collins" ]

14: Despite Fort Collins' enjoyment of alcohol, Colorado State University seems to boo-hoo it (who died last year?)- yet we still have a bar on campus - in the student center, a wine club, and who knows, do they still serve beer at Hughes Stadium? Officially though, they have distanced from it, by doing shady things like not having beer at the "zerunion" a zero-year reunion, which is more a ploy to suck alumni money from us - they'd do a better job with alcohol.

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15: Interestingly enough, and despite how bleak life is for the young, meth has not caught on to the proportion that it has in Cheyenne, WY and Laramie, WY.

 [ "fort collins" ]

16: Things to stay away from:

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17: Drunk driving on the wind-y hell that is Laurel Street.

 [ "fort collins" ]

18: Outside, when a front comes over the mountains. Once again, Wyoming affects us by sending down high speed gusts of wind.

 [ "fort collins" ]

19: Places to go:

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20: Big City Burrito, and only buy the potato burrito.

 [ "fort collins" ]

21: Whorestooth Rock.

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22: The Surfside

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23: The Crown Pub.

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1: The karen capital of the world. It's practically a beehive. They drive giant suburbans on the way to to speak with any manager that they can find. Their broken husbands are busy drinking themselves to death in a semi-trendy microbrewery because its literally the only thing to do in this town besides hit the many homeless people with your $20,000 "muscle car." In the back seat of karen's suburban resides two high school kids fitted with brand new cowboy boots and listening to the latest Rascal Flatts song. They will either grow into suburban turds that claim they are from the country to other sunburned albinos on a cruise ship vacation or be struck by the train that goes straight through fucking middle of town.

  * e.g.,  ... hey dude why are you a pretentious alcoholic? oh bro its because I was born on a farm in the suburbs of fort collins! 

 [ "fort collins" ]

1: a beautiful, moderately sized town with the best weed in the US.

  * e.g.,  ... Fort Collins- where The beer flows like wine, and the ganja grows wild 

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2: Also,this is more like the high schools:

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3: PHS- either mexican or smart

 [ "fort collins" ]

4: FCHS- either mexican or rich

 [ "fort collins" ]

5: FRHS- look what daddy bought me! a new bmw!

 [ "fort collins" ]

6: RMHS- who the fuck knows?

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: The most wonderful town in Colorado where the beer flows like wine. Commonly referred to as: Fort Fun, The Fort, and Fo Co.

  * e.g.,  ... Fo Co po po fo' sho! 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: Just a correction to markw2's wonderful definition of our drunken small town.

  * e.g.,  ... A white Fort Collins High student referred to lingering in gold -formerly red- hall as our own Spanish 6 course. 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

2: FRHS has really sapped out many of the "daddy got me a BMW for Christmas" kids from FCHS, and now most of what's left is more "I'll fuck you up, pinche puto!"

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

3: This is a better tagline:

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

4: FCHS: Mas Mexicano que mexico

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: A large town in northern Colorado. Similar to boulder except larger, with less shit to do. Four large high schools, two smaller schools. lots of white kids. Often called the "vanilla valley". lots of breweries, some microbrews. high school breakdown:

  * e.g.,  ... Person 1: "Let's go to fort collins!" 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

2: FCHS: mexicans and semi-rich white kids

  * e.g.,  ... Person 2: "Yeah, maybe we can catch a shitty b-list rapper who had a hit underground song 20 years ago." 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

3: FRHS: trust funds and shit

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

4: PHS: Mexicans, hicks, IB kids

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

5: Rocky: Mixed breed Polaris: weed and hipsters

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

6: Centennial: Kill people burn shit fuck school

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: Used to be a small, boring, cow town, oh wait it still IS.

  * e.g.,  ... Places close too early, if you're under 21 there ain't sh*t to do, the mall is one floor and too small, vanilla valley, not enough places to dance and traffic is worse than Denver 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: A place that is filled with fast women, cars, guns, drugs, gangs, and much more. What you don’t see on the news you’ll see on foco snaps or some gang members instagram live. Late night parties and dreams of owning the town are the thoughts on everyone’s mind including mine.

  * e.g.,  ... Shit bruh let’s head out to Fort Collins tonight I hear they got some of the purest shit and the best women. 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: The place where all the white people from Aurora go when their tired of getting beat up, nobody there can fight. The 10th whitest town in America

  * e.g.,  ... Im tired of all this violence, Im leaving for Fort Collins! 

 [ "Fort Collins" ]

1: A place located literally next to the middle of no where. High rents, low wages are common here. Three kinds of people live here. The first two are either your snot nosed hipsters or general retirees. The last are just complete fuckheads.

  * e.g.,  ... Steve: “Hey John i’m thinking of going to Fort Collins for the hipster coffee, is it worth it?” John: “No way don’t go there, you’ll probably get raped by the locals.”